Episode 63 Self Confidence Welcome to the podcast, loving On Purpose. I'm your host, Bonnie Lyman. If you're having trouble navigating through your relationships with your adult children, if you are struggling to connect with them or having specific challenges, you're in the right place. This is episode 63, self-Confidence. And I'm Bonnie Lyman. Hello my friend. Welcome to another week of our podcast. Thank you. Thank you for listening. How are you guys? Are you starting to get some spring? We're starting. We had sun today and I think it was 48 degrees, so I feel like we're getting there. I'm still adjusting from being in Hawaii for three weeks, but really there was very little adjustment. It just was so satisfying and refreshing to be in the warm weather in the dead of winter that my body was able to hang on to the feelings, the warmth, the memories. So I am still in awe that I had the privilege to be able to do that. I don't flaunt that in front of others. I wish everyone could have the opportunity to do the same, and it's possible. All right, so today we're gonna talk about self-confidence. So let's begin by talking a little bit of what the difference is with confidence. and at the end of the podcast, I'm going to give you seven things you can do to enhance your self-confidence. So confidence is that you are. You have the confidence that you can do something. In other words, I have the confidence that I can fill a glass of water from a picture. I can pour a picture of water. Into a glass and not have it overflow. I have the confidence that I know how to make pancakes. Okay. It's kind of a skill. We just know we can do that. I have the confidence that I can get in the car and I pretty much know what to do to drive my car and get to the place I wanna get. That's confidence. But self-confidence is a belief. and a trust you have in yourself. It's a belief that you have about yourself, that you are worthy, you are capable, that you. Are able to learn new things, that you can be kind, that you can be a responsible citizen. I kind of say it's being comfortable in your own skin, but most of my clients. Somewhere doesn't always come out, but it tends to be more in women than in men that women lack. Having self-confidence, I used to think that men were maybe a little bit arrogant, and I didn't mean that necessarily as something derogatory. Um, a weakness about them, but I almost considered it a strength. Not that they were conceited, but really what I was seeing was they had self-confidence. So when we have self-confidence, When somebody says something to us that we disagree with, we don't take it so personally that maybe my opinion is wrong. In fact, I often thought I should call my coaching business. I'm going to teach you how to think like a man. because I can go to my husband with issues with my kids. Oh no, they haven't gotten a job yet, or they're not completing college in four years, and he'll just kind of shrug his shoulders and say, they'll figure it out. , he just doesn't get concerned or take it personally that perhaps we sent them out in the world unskilled, or if they say something critical, my husband will just say, I am sorry if they don't like that I do it that way. But that's their problem. And you know what? He's right. We all get to do things our own way and when we get so self-conscious that we don't do things the right way around other people. . That's when we start getting into people pleasing. We say Yes when we really don't wanna do it, and we start walking around. We call it the term walking on eggshells. So where does a self-confidence come from? It comes from inside of you. , it comes from how you think about yourself, whether you believe that you are worthy just the way you are. Not that you don't ever make any mistakes, but you can accept your mistakes. And also recognize that you do some things right? So it comes from with inside of you in the thoughts that you feed yourself about yourself. And so we know that we have control over our thoughts. So this means that we can foster self-confidence and we can grow it. So one thing we need to identify is what thoughts are preventing you from having self-confidence? And just ask yourself. , how do I think about myself? And is that true? Now, the difference between self-confidence and pride is that you think you are great and wonderful and do lots of good things. , but you think you are better than everybody else. That is pride. Self confidence is thinking well enough about yourself, but you also recognize that there are others who have strengths. Equal to yours and perhaps even better. So I always like to say I'm humble because I know I'm amazing. No, I'm sorry. I gotta reword that. I'm self-confident because I know I'm amazing and I'm humble. because I know everyone else is also. So a way to find out and to foster this self-confidence is to ask yourself, what result in your life do you want to create? , what kind of a life do you want to create for yourself and what's keeping you from creating it and it's going to come back. You may wonder and ponder that thought for a long time, not realizing. it's only yourself keeping you from creating the life that you want to live. Self-confidence is very motivating to try new things, and even if you fail, when you have self-confidence, you just pick yourself up. and you try something different. I believe we were all born to be creators, if nothing else, to create a good life for ourselves cells, and then it's even better if we have the desire to create. A. A good life or help people help others have a good life, and whatever contribution you can make to that will be gladly accepted. We were born to get better and better, and just because we retire, or we get to an older age, that doesn't mean that we give up trying to create a better life or to be a better person. So I asked myself in my older age than most of you, How will self-confidence help me get there? Having self-confidence, feeling good about myself, and trusting and believing I'm a good person and that I have good ideas and I do good things. Helps my mind, helps my brain to give me new ideas and the energy to do new things. So I'm going to give you seven steps to how to create more self-confidence. If you'll celebrate every day at the end of the day, something you did well, and I think you should say it out loud and you should say your name. Good job, Bonnie. You got that podcast record. And do you remember last week, I was a day late. I had the self-confidence not to beat myself up, that I didn't get it done on Wednesday, that I didn't record it till Thursday. So on Thursday I said, good job, Bonnie. you recorded that podcast even though you were a whole day late in doing it. Then this next one, number two, kind of goes along with celebrating yourself, but thank yourself. Thank you, Bonnie, for doing that really hard thing today that you really didn't want to do. I had to go and get a bone marrow biopsy the other day that I wasn't real excited about, but I just dug my hills in and did it. , but I thanked myself for showing up and just joking with the nurses as I was checked in, and they started prepping me for a colonoscopy. I just thought in my mind, I'm just gonna wait till I see the face of my doctor and I know everything will be okay. But this went on for quite a while before they caught on that they had the wrong papers, but I thanked myself for not getting upset and just being patient. , good job, Bonnie, of not necessarily getting a plus plus care, but still having the thought that everybody was doing the best they can. But thinking well of others, even when they mess up, helps you think well of yourself. The next thing, and I got this from my daughter, Jody, just wink at yourself in the mirror every morning. It's kind of telling yourself. You're pretty good stuff. You're gonna do well today. Have a good day. That doesn't mean I'm better than anybody else, but it's just kind of a happy gesture to do Another thing number four is when you make a mistake. , have a little humor. Oh, you're so silly, Bonnie, you forgot to preheat the oven. Or, my other big thing is how silly you forgot to defrost anything for dinner. . Oh, well, we always have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and oatmeal, but just don't make a big deal out of incidentals that aren't done right. Have a little humor. The next thing is, is a little more involved. Write down the story you tell about yourself right now, and just lay it all out there. Don't do a lot of editing. Just dump it out on paper. And then number six is write the story that you want to tell yourself. And then you're gonna take that first story of what you told about yourself originally, and you're gonna watt it up and you're gonna walk out to the garbage can and you're gonna throw it away and the end of that, and then you go back. And you reread the story several times that you want to tell yourself. And number seven, this can apply to so many areas of our life of things you wanna be, act as if you are self confident. I know of people that sometimes they call him Wedding Crashers. I knew somebody that didn't have a job and the way he got his meal, he would. Look at this time, he would look in the paper or he'd try to find out where there was a wedding and he would put his suit on and he would just act as if he was invited to the wedding and go in and have a lovely meal. Now, you could maybe say he was dishonest or he was stealing. , but I thought it was pretty clever. But that takes self-confidence. I mean, what's the worst they're going to do, but ask him to please leave? So remember, confidence is more about what skills, what we're able, what we're capable of doing. . I'm confident I can make dinner every night, but self-confidence is the belief and trust that you have in yourself. I wish the very best for you and your family. If you would please leave me a review. Or a rating or make a comment about this podcast and of course, share it with any friends that you might like to share it with, who you might think would benefit. Please do that. . But Apple and Spotify, those two brought um, podcasts. Um, apps, I guess you would say. They tend to get it out to more people by the, by the ratings they get. So I would appreciate that, but I would appreciate more than that, that before you go to bed tonight, That you celebrate something that you did. Well, have a great week and I look forward to talking to you next week. If you like this, be this episode and you felt it was of benefit to you, I ask you to share it with somebody that perhaps it could also benefit. But if you're still feeling kind of stuck in that you don't know how to apply, what was talked about or where to start on on changing your thoughts, on changing your perspective, on bettering your relationship. Get on a call with me and we can have a discussion and I can tell you how to apply it and where we start. And then you get to decide what you want to do about this relationship that maybe you're struggling with with your adult children. There is no reason to go on the rest of our lives struggling. With our relationships with our adult children, let's assume the best. Let's assume that we all love each other and we're just trying to figure out how to maintain our own boundaries and respect another ones, but I can help you with everything. So just go to bonnie lyman.com and book a call. I can't wait to hear from you. .