Coaching with LDS values

Episode 107: Miracles Happen. This is Bonnie Lyman, and you're listening to the podcast, Loving On Purpose, episode 107, Miracles Happen. Welcome to the podcast, Loving On Purpose. I'm your host, Bonnie Lyman. If you're having trouble navigating through your relationships with your adult children, if you are struggling to connect with them or having specific challenges, You're in the right place. Hey there! How are you doing? We are getting snow. We are getting winter. I mean, it was ten days ago I was driving home and it was at night. It was about 9. 30 at night and on my car the temperature said it was 46 degrees outside. I mean, I live way north. In the United States, in Spokane, Washington. And that is unheard of this time of year. Enjoyable, but kind of scary at the same time. But, come last Thursday or Friday, we got hit with frigid weather. Pipes breaking, zero degrees, minus twelve. at night and my dog doesn't like it at all. So we've had lots of accidents with the dog that I love in the house. And I'm much more tolerable than my husband has been. But she doesn't like it. And then today, oh, we probably got five or six inches of snow. And. Winter has arrived, but maybe that'll make for a good summer. I welcome you to listening to my podcast, especially those that are new, and a double welcome to all of you that listen every week. Thank you. It's very kind of you. But I'd really like you to do something for me. I would like you to play these on a faster speed. I think you will enjoy them a whole lot more, and be able to get to the end quicker. I tend to do that when I listen to podcasts, but I still, when I listen to myself on my podcasts at regular speed, it sounds like I just had a stroke that I can hardly get my words out. And I've really tried, and I can't seem to get it any faster. I think this part right here, I can tell by the little waves on my recording screen here that I'm probably talking at a normal speed, but as I get into my topic, I'll probably slow down, so would you please do that for me? And if you share it with somebody, pass that on. Or, I guess, from this episode on, I'm going to give a little reminder. But, I hope you're doing well. I hope you're looking for miracles. Because when we look for miracles, we usually find something. But I was excited, and when I got the third message, third email, sharing a miracle from three clients I had that were struggling with adult children and their relationship. I just had to share. it with you, just to give you the encouragement that if you're willing to wait until your children are ready to heal the relationship and you wait with love and sending little bits now and then, messages of love and telling them As often as possible, specifically the things you admire and that you like about them. It will come to pass, because I truly believe love always wins. A man once told me, Joseph Grenny. And in my Tuesday tidbit email yesterday, I sent links to a YouTube video and to some articles he's written about wayward children, but he said the epidemic of despair in parents of adult children. that are not functioning at the level that they would like, or is even best for their kids, is the parent's unwillingness to wait. That is what is causing them. So, I am so proud of these three clients, and I'm not going to give you their names or where they're from, but I do want to share their messages with you. So, here is the first one. I want to share some good news with you about the relationship with my oldest son, whom I have had no contact with for two and a half years, his choice. In fact, at the beginning of our estrangement, He and his wife had just welcomed their sixth child into the family. While dismantling Christmas in our home, I re listened to your podcast about the difference between hope and faith. One line warmed my heart and soul on the deepest level. Quote, in God's time. At that moment, I let go of my need. an expectation and firmly accepted this belief. Two days later, while retrieving my mail at the post office, there was an envelope from my son. Prior to opening it, I held it close to my heart and thanked my Heavenly Father for this gift. The envelope contained the birth announcement of baby number seven. No hand written, or no invitation to visit, but a beautiful picture of a beautiful family. Not knowing how to respond, I prayed and meditated and sent a card in return. No money, no gift, just beautiful words of joy. I'm not sure what to do now. I would love to meet these two newest grandchildren in person sometime. And so, I will wait a bit longer. Your guidance via your podcast and the review of the notes I took during my coaching sessions are deeply appreciated. Okay, I'm not sharing this to give accolades to me or take any credit at all, but because she could wait. In peace with love in her heart, it made this moment even greater and she knew exactly. the best way for the relationship between her and her son to get better. She knew the best way how to respond. I was only the messenger. I gave her some tools, but she was willing to implement and put those tools into practice. All right, this next one, um, is, is from a client I had. Um, who, who, uh, I recently had, and she was, uh, probably the first one that I had heard from. And I got this, uh, less than a month ago. Dear Bonnie, I have something to share with you that can't wait. I think we were still in the middle of, uh, our coaching sessions. A couple days before Christmas Our daughter, and I won't give you the name, texted us! Exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark, smiley face, smiley face, heart, thumbs up. She put all those emojis on. She said she is reaching out in hopes of recovering a relationship. If that is possible, I was and am so overjoyed by this and very thankful to God for answering prayers. Thank you, Bonnie, for all that you have taught me this far. Looking forward to our next call. Alright, this next, uh, story that I am going to share with you is from a client that, um, I had, oh, probably four years ago. One of my very first clients. And she says, Hi Bonnie. I just had to share this great news with you. Um, my mother passed away on December 4th, last month. And my oldest daughter was the one that called me to tell me that my mom had had a heart attack and I should come. To make a long story short, after my mom passed, My daughter started to want to spend time talking with me on the phone, which surprised me because this is the daughter I told you about that hasn't been to my house since 2016. I didn't see her last year when I went to visit my mom. Oh no, I'm sorry, I did see her last year when I went to visit my mom, but she didn't seem very warm at the time. She had us over to her house twice for dinner, but she only gave us two hours each day of her time. She was very limited because there were other things more important than hanging out with us at the time. So about a week after my mother passed, we talked on the phone for four hours. She was telling me that my sister and I needed therapy together because our relationship was not close. Due to past trauma, we had both experienced as kids due to my mom. She told me that my sister told her a few things that were very bad that happened to both of us. And she sees how this trauma has affected my sister. She says that there's a lot of tension between my sister and I when we talk and she told me that that wasn't healthy. So I turned right around and said, Do you think we need therapy? You and I have not been talking in the last six years. When she's really feeling low, she'll call which is once every couple of years just to talk with me, but it's more because she needs someone to talk to. I told her that, that she had not been to my house since 2016 and that we should also be thinking about receiving some sort of counseling. Well, at that point, She really started telling me how she was feeling. She remembered some things that weren't actually true that she told me that really hurt me. And I just started crying and apologized to her and told her that I was so sorry that I was not perfect and that if I could do it, Again, I would be a mother to her in a whole different way. I told her that I loved her and asked her if she could forgive me. My husband's mom passed away on New Year's Day. And I told her, my daughter, this estranged daughter, that she was invited to come to my mother in law's service, and that we were, that we were going to have the end of January. At first she didn't say that she could not come, or that she could come. She told me she would see if she could get away. Well, the miracle is, Is that she is excited to come and she booked her ticket and she's coming at the end of the month to stay for about two or three days with us in my house, not in a hotel. And we have been talking on the phone a lot lately and she's behaving as if nothing had ever happened. between us right now. So, I think she wants to start over. I just wanted to share this with you because I did try to remember all the things that you told me When you said that love always wins, it is so true. I feel so grateful about the way I reacted toward her when she was blaming me for things that went wrong with her and our relationship. It's okay now because I get to give her a big hug and have her close to me again. So I don't even care anymore. about being right or being justified. Please know that all the hard work you put into your podcast and in your emails really do help us women to understand what we should try to understand and then try to implement. In our relationships. Thank you again for everything I learned in my 12 weeks of our coaching sessions. This was so exciting for me to hear. I want nothing more than for people to learn how to love. Love. For those children that are difficult to love and be willing to wait when they are ready to heal the relationship, be willing to wait of when they have the courage to come forward, and for us to be waiting always there with little Indications, text or an email or a letter in the mail, however you can contact, reminding them that you will never stop loving them and tell them that you love them enough that you're willing to give them the space that they need at this time in their life from you. It all works out. I've had it personally work out in my life. And I've seen it happen, not only in these three clients lives, but in other lives also. Love always wins. It's always available. And love them for no other reason that love feels best of any emotion. Judgment does not feel good. Love does feel good. So just try being selfish if you want. And always choose love. It's always available. It doesn't need permission. And it's always an option. I hope you have a great week, and I can't wait to talk to you again next week. If you liked this, this episode, and you felt it was of benefit to you, I ask you to share it with somebody that perhaps it could also benefit. But if you're still feeling kind of stuck, in that you don't know how to apply what was talked about, or Where to start on, on changing your thoughts, on changing your perspective, on bettering your relationship, get on a call with me and we can have a discussion and I can tell you how to apply it and where we start. And then you get to decide what you want to do about this relationship. That maybe you're struggling with, with your adult children. There is no reason to go on the rest of our lives struggling with our relationships, with our adult children. Let's assume the best. Let's assume that we all love each other and we're just trying to figure out how to maintain our own boundaries and respect another one's. But I can help you with that. Everything. So just go to BonnieLyman. com and book a call. I can't wait to hear from you. .