Coaching with LDS values

Episode 118: Creating the Life You Want to Live This is Bonnie Lyman, and you're listening to the podcast, Loving on Purpose, episode 118, Creating a Life You Want to Live. Welcome to the podcast, Loving on Purpose. I'm your host, Bonnie Lyman. If you're having trouble, call me. Navigating through your relationships with your adult children. If you are struggling to connect with them or having specific challenges, you're in the right place. Hey there, my friends. How's it going? Here's to another week. I'm so glad to be here. Back with you, I feel like I'm going to burst sometimes when something works out the way I wanted it to. Or, I would like to think that it's proof that my foundation in life, my most empowering thought. That I carry with me is that love always wins. It gives me a feeling of love that hopefully, most of the time, I can act as love would act or as my Heavenly Father in Jesus Christ would have me. But let me explain to you about something that went on. And then we're going to talk about this week how you create the life you want to live, not your circumstances. So I am a really big believer in letting go of the thought, I wish I could. My adult children would give me a call sometime. I wish that it wasn't me that always had to reach out to them. Or, I wish they would be the one that would initiate inviting us out to dinner. Not us always suggesting it. But when we have those thoughts, that is a judgmental thought, or those are judgmental thoughts. Not loving thoughts. And some of my clients hang on so tight to these thoughts that the result in their life is that they are frustrated and hurt and they They eventually miss out on not being with their children. They're waiting. They think they're getting back at them. By not reaching out to them, but they are the creators of the life that they don't even want to live. If we want to feel better, we have to change the way we are thinking about our circumstances. This is what I practice. If I haven't heard from my adult children in a while, I take the first step to connect with them. Because I want to see them, I want to hear from them, I want, I want to be with them, if at all possible. I will contact them and I will express my desire and ask for a suggestion of how we can make that happen. Just yesterday, there were a couple of my kids, and both these kids had grandkids. And, you know, I have to say, I really miss my grandkids, but I also really miss not being spending more time with my adult children. But I know their lives are such that it is what it is. I know there are many, many You out there that your children have cut out all contact with you. And my heart goes out to you. I encourage you to go look up my podcasts when your adult children divorce you and listen to that to see if that can't bring you some relief. and some ideas of how to get that relief. So yesterday, I texted two of my children, who I haven't seen in a while, expressing that I wanted to see them. One responded right away, saying, Can you go to ice cream with us tonight at Dairy Queen? Which I replied, Yes, I did. You bet. Sounds like fun. And then today I heard from my other child suggesting do you want to come over Friday night for pizza and games? And so we're gonna do that. So I want to tell you the four results that happened in my life by reaching out to my children, myself, and how I created my own. life's experience, and I didn't wait on them to create it for me. Number one, I am taking care of my own needs. I'm not waiting for them to make the first move. Number two, I am letting them know what I want, relieving them of the burden of feeling guilty about not seeing me, or wondering how I'm feeling if I'm even up for seeing them, you know, amidst all the responsibilities they have. of supporting their family, taking care of their family, taking care of their spouse. You know, they've got a lot on their plate. I am not, or I am attempting to connect with my adult child. I'm not waiting for them to make the first move. And number five, I am willing to To get together with them. on their terms of when they are available. Now, if I'd had other plans for last night, or if I had other plans for Saturday, most of the time I don't change those plans, depending If, if it was maybe just my husband and I were going to go out to dinner Friday, yeah, that's an easy change to make because we have many opportunities to go out just by ourselves. So I think what we need to do that maybe we aren't doing is try to be as honest with ourselves and with our adult children. If we want something, for our birthday, we need to tell them and tell our spouse, don't play these guessing games. They can't read your mind. They probably don't remember that three months ago in a passing, you mentioned something that you wanted. You may be really good at remembering what they mentioned some time ago that they wanted and You tuck that into your mind and get that for their birthday, but that doesn't mean they're good at remembering things like that. Not remembering does not equate to not loving you or respecting you. Mother's Day is coming up. Is there a certain way you would like to spend it? Then tell your family members, thinking thoughts like, well, if I was important to them, they would think of something nice to do and surprise me. That thought does not serve you. It doesn't get you closer to having an amazing Mother's Day. Do you know that? Our family members probably dread Mother's Day as much as a lot of people out there do because they can't figure out what is going to make us happy. If you want to be surprised, then you need to tell them, tell them, surprise me on Mother's Day, but you've got to remember that you might be disappointed because it might be something that you've missed. You might have a friend that her family always surprises her, whether it's Mother's Day or her birthday, with something really thoughtful. But comparing your family to her family, again, serves you in no way. We often refer to this as compare and despair, and you're only setting yourself up for disappointment. I can remember when my mother in law was alive, on Mother's Day, she would always send me money, suggesting I go by something just for myself. Reaching out to others that need comfort on this day is a great way to have an amazing Mother's Day. We create the life we want by knowing which thoughts to hang on to and which ones to let go. Happiness comes from managing our thoughts. And maybe it's only peace. Maybe it's just feeling content. But it comes from managing our thoughts and wanting what we already have and comforting Those that need more comfort than we do. It's not complicated to create the life you want to have. If you're emotionally healthy, you and you function pretty much as a healthy person. It takes some guidance, possibly, from a coach, and lots of practice of being a watcher of your thoughts and discarding the thoughts. that don't give you the results you want in your life. I want to end this and I will put this in the show notes. My daughter Natalie Clay, who is a couples life coach, is offering a free class called Disagreeing Without Arguing. And I'm going to put the link in the show notes. It is this Thursday evening, I guess that would be tomorrow evening, at 6 p. m. P. M. Pacific Daylight Time. So you guys figure out the time. But you can sign up for it, and it's free, and you will have access to the recording if you can't get it. And, you know, whether it's disagreeing with our spouse, or or disagreeing with our adult children. It's all the same thing. So I just wanted to make you aware of that. I mean, it's free, of course. I'm not getting a kickback. I'm, I'm doing it. Because I would like to help my listeners as much as I can. I hope you have a great week. I hope some of you got to see that solar eclipse that happened a couple days ago in Spokane, Washington. It was cloudy. We were not able to have the effects of it. Right. It's been amazing looking at the photographs and seeing some of the videos of those that did. I'll, I, I hope you have a great, great week and I'll talk to you next week. If you like this, this episode and you felt it was of benefit to you, I ask you to share it with somebody. That perhaps it could also benefit, but if you're still feeling kind of stuck in that you don't know how to apply what was talked about, or where to start on, on changing your thoughts, on changing your perspective, on bettering your relationship, Get on a call with me and we can have a discussion. I can tell you how to apply it and where we start. And then you get to decide what you want to do about this relationship that maybe you're struggling with with your adult children. There is no reason to go on the rest of our lives struggling with our relationships. with our adult children. Let's assume the best. Let's assume that we all love each other. And we're just trying to figure out how to maintain our own boundaries and respect another one's. But I can help you with everything. So just go to BonnieLyman. com and book a call. I can't wait to hear from you. .