Coaching with LDS values

Episode 90 Correlation Between Emotional and Physical Health You're listening to the podcast, Loving on Purpose. This is episode 90, Correlation between Emotional and Physical Health. Welcome to the podcast, Loving on Purpose. I'm your host, Bonnie Lyman. If you're having trouble navigating through your relationships with your adult children, if you are struggling to connect with them or having specific challenges, you're in the right place. Welcome, my favorite friends. It's so good to be back with you today. I'm so glad you joined me. And I want to thank all of you for your feedback that you give me from listening to my podcast. I love it when I know I've probably helped at least one person today. I did a whole podcast on focusing on helping Um, somebody else. What a great remedy that is for lifting our spirits. I sent my granddaughter a text yesterday morning, knowing that she was possibly feeling kind of down. Because homecoming is this Saturday at her high school, and there was some question a few days ago as to whether she had a date for the tech, um, for the dance. And my text read, make somebody's day a good day today. And I always think that's a good thought to tell ourselves. Every day, that, because there's always somebody that's hurting a little more than we are, and not only helping them have a good day, it will help you have a good day also. I record these podcasts to help you know that there is a way out of any emotional pain. And it's not a simple remedy, because we all have different brains to cause us to view our circumstances differently. What one circumstance may affect one person, it may not affect another. So I try to give you as many tools as I can to help you stay away from blaming. The happenings, the circumstances of your life as a cause of your feelings, but what you're focusing on, what you're making it mean, it's your thoughts about what's happening in your life that makes you feel a certain way. Most of my clients have said, um, that my podcasts have resonated with them, but they still can't figure out how to apply the tools that I've given to them through my podcast to their personal circumstances. And that's where getting guidance from a coach makes it so much less difficult. I offer a complimentary strategy coaching call to any of you that want a little help with your particular situation and to discover if coaching is maybe a good route for you to take. All I do know. With 100 percent certainty, there is a way out of your emotional pain with your relationship with your adult children and what you will learn from how to deal, how to get out of that pain relates to any Relationship in your life, whether it's relationship with a spouse, friends, siblings, or relationship with yourself, with your money. When I learned these tools, it changed my entire life. And I am free from depending on others or on good happenings in my life to feel good. Today, I want to talk to you about how our emo Our physical health can affect our emotional health and how our emotional health can affect our physical health. They're tied together. And I think if we have a better understanding of this, we'll have a better understanding of why people act or react the way They do, and also hopefully we'll learn about ourselves and why sometimes we're not acting as our best selves. When we think of our physical health, we can usually think of it in one of four ways. It's either healthy or maybe it's disabled. Um, Or we're sick, or perhaps our physical body has been injured somehow. Even when it's healthy, we may have a few aches and pains, but they often go unnoticed if we are emotionally in a good state because we're, we don't notice them because we are We are caught up in liking what's happening in our life when we have a disability, whether it's some infirmity in our body that we got from birth or for an, um, from an accident, perhaps we adapt or not to this disability. Our emotional well being to deal with it, to find ways to still live a satisfying life. If, if our emotional health is good, it kicks in and we learn to manage and still have a satisfying life, even when we have a disability that perhaps. It doesn't allow us to live the life that people live that don't have this disability. When we are sick, we remedy it by going to the doctor, or perhaps we just have the flu and we just need some extra rest. When we are injured, like with a broken leg or a cut finger. We'll usually seek out some sort of attention, whether it be from a doctor or somebody else to help take care of that, uh, injury. That, um, compromising to our good physical health to help us get us back to good physical health. Whatever the physical health ailment we are dealing with, we usually try to do something about it. We usually take some proactive action to alleviate the discomfort. Now let's talk a minute about emotional health. When we think of our emotional health, we think of it... as either healthy or out of alignment with how we want to be feeling. If we are emotionally healthy, We're able to deal with the challenges and problems that arise in our life without too much difficulty, or if it is difficult, we seek help. Sometimes we are emotionally unhealthy because of some chemical, hormone, Um, imbalance. Some re uh, some wiring in our brain that isn't functioning optimally. And there there are remedies and there are help for that. But unlike our physical health, if we had a broken leg, which we would immediately seek help. For we often wait too long to get help with our emotional health and yet just from having dealt with some emotional, um, health problems, as there was a time I dealt with a lot of depression and anxiety, there was And then there have been times in my life where right now I deal with chronic pain. I, I have found if I had to choose between the two of which was worse, which was harder for me to remedy on my own, I, I would say, The, the mental health, the depression was far greater than the physical back pain, but we tend to live in this land of hoping it'll go away, or we try to. Remedy it by distracting ourselves with inappropriate things, such as eating, drinking, um, taking drugs, um, maybe even, um, doing good things, being caught up in work, but we distract ourselves from that pain. rather than seeking some help. And so... I, I think that we don't often seek help, because number one, we think it might go away. Number two, we think we can just tough it out, or, which I think is going away, but I think there's been a stigma for a long time about getting help for mental health We, we tend to think it's a weakness to be mentally unhealthy, and yet look how common it has gotten today just by the increase in suicides and other such crimes. Situations that have arisen in our lifestyle these days and, you know, our, our emotional health, I think, can be affected. By maybe even our physical health, by not getting enough sleep, not, um, eating the right kind of foods, not, um, focusing on gratitude, I guess you could say, of what is going right in our life. So there are some. Remedies to, to getting emotionally healthier that we can do on our own. But so often we need outside help. And I believe today there. There is so much out there that is offered to be able to live a well lived life, whether it's physically or emotionally. If you find yourself not wanting to go to work because you hate your job, or you... If you, um, think you hate your job and you start calling in sick and perhaps you stay in bed all day, that's a sign you might need the help of a therapist or even a psychiatrist where a psychiatrist would prescribe you medication to help deal with whatever is ailing you that is keeping you to be functioning at a, at least a normal level. If you hate your job, but you are highly functioning enough that you do get up and you go to work. But you're just unhappy there all the time. This is an indication that you're a great candidate to work with a life coach. A diagnosis doesn't need to be made of a disorder, a mental disorder that's going on, or medication probably. Is it needed? A life coach will help heal you by helping you change your perspective of what's going on about you and say your job. They help you see the thoughts in your brain that are causing you to have your discomfort and. So that is an option that people are learning more and more about, about that it's, um, a quicker fix than if there is some disorder that takes medication and some therapy, perhaps, to work through it. Each has its place. And each kind of help is so beneficial, and I am so grateful that that is available to us. And I myself have benefited from both. But let's talk about how your physical discomfort can cause mental discomfort. If you are tired or hungry or, um, you are in pain of some sort and somebody criticizes you, you're apt to react in a way that is not your best self. You, you're those physical discomforts affect your mental view of what's going on in life. You're apt to take it more personally. You're APTT to be less loving and probably more judgmental and your. You're blaming that person, or that unfortunate accident, for you're not feeling the feeling you want to be feeling. You're hurting physically, or you're in an uncomfortable state physically, and Or perhaps even emotionally, and remember, when we're hurting, we tend to hurt other people, and that's hurting either emotionally or in some part of our body. When we're tired or hungry or in pain, I have found my problems become highly intensified. All those problems, all those issues, that I thought I had gotten resolved. And had accepted, and I was dealing with them when I thought about them in a very healthy, emotionally way, they sometimes come flooding back into my mind and can even seem more painful. So, a painful situation for me was when I found out one of my, was, was gay, and I, when I found out another one of my children was pregnant and not married, these took some mental, um, setback. There was a mental setback. Back to my health at this time in my life, and I, I was in a lot of pain and my pain mainly had to do with the sadness of them having to deal with these challenges in my life. And so when I was in physical pain or hungry or tired, this made my emotional pain. seemed to intensify when really nothing had changed except that I was physically more uncomfortable. My mind was feeling greater discomfort and because of being tired or hungry or in pain. And so that proved to me, and this is really only my opinion, that there is a correlation. between our physical pain and our mental state. From what I have experienced, my emotional pain always overrides my physical pain. When my mind is feeling discomfort, it sends discomforting sensations to... my body. As many of you have noticed that when you've gone through some emotional challenges, we often feel more tired and that we want to rest. We also start noticing, or I do anyway, some more aches and pains in my body. And I've started asking myself, was that ache or pain always there? Or is that just, am I just noticing that because emotionally I don't like how I am feeling. And this emotional, maybe anywhere from Sadness, resentment, anger, to even going deeper into some chemical imbalance that would cause perhaps a greater sadness that we may go as far to call depression. When we are emotionally in distress or emotionally unhealthy, It affects our physical well being. I fractured five vertebrae seven years ago. Due to, um, a type of cancer I had in my bone marrow, and ever since then, it's not excruciating pain. I even hesitate to tell you this because I really don't want a lot of symp sympathy. It's just something, it's part of my. challenge. Part of my journey in life is to learn how to deal with having pain pretty much 24 7, but I feel like I've managed it very well. In fact, I can't remember what it was like not to have my back hurt. And so that, that's just part of my life, but when I get stressed, even maybe, oh, it's dinner time, what are we going to have for dinner? I didn't thaw anything. My pain will actually increase. And there is nothing to prove physically why my. Physical pain in my back, you know, would increase this last week was rather stressful for me, and it caused me to be in a lot more pain because of how I was thinking a lot more physical pain. Because of the emotional pain that I, I was dealing with. And so what had happened is I had gotten some information from a lab report that I took upon myself to interpret that. Things were getting worse, and yet I had no idea of what these numbers were telling me from a blood test I had had. And so I, it, it became a cycle. My thoughts, That things weren't going as well. My emotional state caused me to have stress that caused me to have more pain. And the more pain I had, it verified that things were not going well physically in my body with this particular situation. And yet, when I went to the doctor and talked with him, and his report was nothing but glowing excitement over how well I was improving. And it was like, just as I was walking out of the doctor's office, having that information, that the physical pain was almost gone. There was very little pain. And so when. I got good news, you could say, that put me in a healthier mental state when I was told that my numbers were exactly where they should be, or maybe even better than, than what they should have been at this point. And that I didn't need to come in and Received the medication I was getting as often as I needed to. I mean, it was nothing but good news. It made me feel better emotionally. And that made me feel better physically, as in feeling so much less pain. But nothing physically had actually changed. It was only my thoughts that had changed. A good friend of mine had a daughter die at the age of 15 with some undiagnosed disease that was quite concerning to him. And when she passed, it made him so physically ill That he had to go to bed for several days. Our body and our minds are more connected than we realize. They can work together to help us do and become more like the person that we want to be than we ever realized. But they can also interfere with each other by perhaps sending false information. that can cause us either emotionally or physically to feel more pain when there is nothing happening to actually cause it. So we can't always control this, but being aware of it is a huge step. And so when We start to feel emotionally concerned about something, it's good to have a check, how are we physically, what state are we in, are we tired, are we hungry, has something And we A new physical issue come up in our body or has a new emotional situation that we're dealing with for the first time come up that is affecting how we feel physically and also how we feel emotionally. So, in my opinion, one. Feeds off of the other. So one thing we can do in this awareness is when we recognize it, we can calm the other down by knowing, you know, what the cause is. Our physical will. Being our physical unwell being will cause us to have thoughts. That will cause us to emotionally not feel the way we want to feel. There's a lot of discussion in therapy made available these days about the deregulation of the nervous system, which is controlled by the brain. that causes emotional unhealthiness and also physical discomfort when they are not working together. Understanding this, I hope, will help you understand when your adult children are going through hard times. that they are not going to show up as their best selves. And most of the time that will come out and be acted out upon when they are around you, their parents. Because, deep down, there's still a safety net there that they know their parents will always love them. Their physical state may be affecting their emotional state, and that affects how they react around you. It's our feelings that cause us to act, react, or withdraw when a circumstance. or a happening in our life triggers us to have thoughts that cause us to feel a way we don't want to feel. And the circumstance could be some physical discomfort. So keep that in mind when we're feeling hurt and sad by how our adult children are maybe treating us, or how they're acting, or why they aren't taking more responsibility for their life. Think about the correlation between our physical wellness and our mental wellness. I think some good things to ask are, are they tired? Are they hungry? Are they worried about losing their job? Did they just have a pretty tough conversation with their spouse? Do they have concerns about one of their children? Or even, are they disappointed in who they didn't become yet? 50 50. And we don't like hearing that, and we often don't believe it. We believe that we can, we can take care of that 50 50, the 50 percent of our life that we don't like going, maybe even get it down to only 20%. And that's not a bad pursuit. to try to make our lives even better. But if we take into account and remember that there's some things we don't have control over, we don't have control over all the opposition in our lives. If we take that into account, that there is opposition regarding Our children's behavior, perhaps it will help us feel compassion for them, for ourselves, and for each other, rather than being quick to pass judgment or having judgment over their actions, their situations. Rather, of getting to a place to figure out, to have compassion, that they're either hurting physically or emotionally. It's to our benefit to be slow to judge and be quick to assume that everyone is struggling with some battle in their life. And that everyone is doing the best they can to deal with it in their life. Those that have tools, that have sought out help, whether it's with their physical health or their mental health, are going to be able to deal with these issues quicker. And faster and in a better way than those that have never gotten any help. I don't believe our children are ever intentionally trying to hurt us, their parents. They are struggling with something that is hurting themselves. And they are showing up not as their best selves, but they are showing up as the best they know how at that particular moment. I admonish you to be more understanding of yourself and of others. That we all have struggles every day, and that we are all doing the best we can. That we feel safer in situations not to hide our hurt and our struggles, but perhaps to show up in a way that is not the most appropriate. In, in reacting to this emotional or physical pain we are feeling, but that we feel safe. And I would take that as a compliment and as having done a good job as a parent in letting your children know. That you're going to love them through thick and thin. I hope you have a great week. I hope that you can find somebody that you can help them have a good day today. I'll talk to you next week. If you like this, this episode and you felt it was of benefit to you, I ask you to share it with somebody that perhaps it could also benefit. But if you're still feeling kind of stuck in that you don't know how to apply what was talked about or where to start. On, on changing your thoughts, on changing your perspective, on bettering your relationship. Get on a call with me and we can have a discussion and I can tell you how to apply it and where we start. And then you get to decide what you want to do. About this relationship that maybe you're struggling with with your adult children. There is no reason to go on the rest of our lives struggling with our relationships with our adult children. Let's assume the best. Let's assume that we all love each other and we're just trying to figure out how to maintain our own boundaries. and respect another one's. But I can help you with everything. So just go to bonnielyman. com and book a call. I can't wait to hear from you. .