Coaching with LDS values

Episode 82 Battles Are Won By Serving Others Welcome to the podcast, loving On Purpose. I'm your host, Bonnie Lyman. If you're having trouble navigating through your relationships with your adult children, if you are struggling to connect with them or having specific challenges, you're in the right place. This. It is Bonnie Lyman and you are listening to the podcast, loving On Purpose, episode 82. Battles are won by serving others. What's up, my friends? It's good to be talking to you again. That week goes by pretty fast, but I think about you all the time and. I know that it's painful. To be dealing with difficult circumstances with your adult children, if that's what you're going through right now, but I still think that we have to focus on that this is their life. We don't have control over what they do. And so we need to find ways that we can still live happy, satisfying lives, and that's what I try to offer you every week. I read and listen to just about anything I can get my hands on by Joseph Granny. He has. Offered so much hope and inspiration, and insight into what's going on with our adult children and how we don't have control over them, and how it's not our fault and why what they're doing, what any of us are doing. Our heavenly Father knew that all these things were going to be happening in our lives. I read something by him once that said, life is a school and pain is the teacher. Now, we may not like hearing that. You may not believe that, but that's what life is. It's ups and downs and a whole lot of learning and shaping our character to become even more amazing than who we were born to be. I feel Joseph Granny. Offers hope to parents who have raised their children in optimal environment, who offered their children the best circumstances to become the best, the happiest adults they could become. And he, he offers hope and inspiration. To parents who have children who have strayed from the path, which most of us would consider that is going to cause them of choosing a different path. That's going to cause an unhappiness and an unfulfilling life. And when our kids are not happy, we're not happy. I think sometimes though, possibly we think too much about ourselves and we need to start. Thinking and empathizing and serving others more. So I hope this podcast, if you'll do some of the things that are suggested, will help you to have more of the life that you hope you are live, would be living at this time of your life. We have children that are. Have become addicted to drugs and alcohol. Children that declare they are L G B T or Q children that question their gender and children who have lost their testimonies of the faith they were raised in by loving parents, parents who were only doing the best. They knew how. Parents who not only had all their teachings rejected, but also too often are rejected by these children, by their children. And children have declared to them that they don't want them in their lives. My resource for this podcast was taken from an article, are We Losing a Gospel perspective on Imperfect Families by Joseph Grey that was published in a magazine. Affiliated with, not really affiliated, but written by edited, published by members of my church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. In my faith, it. Is very intentional that we raise our children to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ, to become as Christ-like as we can. And so it is painful for many when their children decide not to follow these values. Has five children himself, only two that chose to stay in his faith, which is the same as mine, and they. Are making some serious negative decisions about how they're living their lives. We thought our children would all turn out the way we wanted them to turn, turn out, if we gave it, if we gave it our all. If we were intentional. Good parents and we did the best we could to teach them in love and righteousness. But as many of you listeners now know, there. There is no guarantee that they would accept these values, that they would turn out to be happy, responsible adults. Many of us have adult children that are disappointing us, and it is very painful watching them go down a road of. Unhappiness. Joseph Grey has found that it is more the norm than not for families to have disappointment about the behavior of their adult children, and I don't know if that brings me some peace or makes me even sad. I. Or I get very curious of why this is happening at this time. He talks about his biggest despair was hearing his 24, 24 year old son was in the hospital because he. Was having an overdose on her heroin. He talks of his agony, pleading to heavenly, a fa pleading to heavenly Father of why he devised a plan, a plan to raise our kids in love and to be Christ-like. Why was this plan not working? Many parents, many of you have been deliberate good parents only to have your children act contrary to how you raise them. Because of my religious beliefs, I believe that we came to this earth to find joy, but also to grow and growing always involves some pain. Because this pain is necessary because it's when we're in pain that we turn to God for comfort and relief and guidance. I. It's when we're in pain that we can't go away just by fixing the circumstance or by changing our thoughts. That causes us of this disharmony, this brokenness in our life. It causes us to become humble and to know. That everything doesn't work out the way we want to and we, we don't have control o over how another person acts or what he says or what he does. If life was without pain, it would be without joy. We would be living a neutral robotic life, which some days may sound pretty inviting. What we think we want isn't what we really want. We want to have all the experiences life has to offer the good and the bad. That leads to not only a balanced life where we can have joy and equal proportions to disappointment, but it helps build our character. To become the best possible version of ourself that we can become, and knowing this leads to our confidence that offers us a peaceful life. According to grinning Heavenly Father's plan was to. Create a planet full of problems that demand unity for solutions. It's problems that bring us together because I have a gay son. I have a daughter that plays twins for adoption because I have children that don't always show interest in my life because I have children who have wandered from the faith they were raised in. Others seek me out and share their problems in that space of time when that's happening. We are of one heart and we become of one mind, and we share a love and a bond because. Of common problems or at least severe problems. We share the problem. If nothing else, that life did not turn out the way we thought it was going to. I can't always solve my problem for someone I love. I can't fix my children. I can't solve their problems, but I can throw myself into needed work for someone else, as granny would say, would be the thing to do. I maybe can't solve my problem, but I can always look to get involved in doing something meaningful for God. By helping some of his children solve their problems. I live in Spokane, Washington. I feel like I live in a bubble every once in a while. Not very often. We have an ice storm that happens that shuts down the city for a. Few days or once. We had a windstorm that came up that had 90 mile an hour winds that took out several hundred trees, and some of them even fell on homes causing serious damage, but no one was killed. And it was interesting at that time, neighbors came out. Help neighbors like I've never seen before. We have ample water and whatever resources we need to live a comfortable life in this place on earth where I live. So I ask why are there some who live in calamities? Why are there to tornadoes? And hurricanes and earthquakes and little food or no clean water, like for the people in Africa where we lived, and I have it so easy, Ukraine is under attack and I am not my good friend. Husband suffers from depression. That keeps him from being a well adjusted husband and father, and they suffer. Granny says, it's our chance, those of us that have to learn. How to help others that need some help, and I believe that this is a cure for many of our problems that we have. So when we've done all we can to help those, we love to help our children to help them get on a better path and they reject it. When we keep on loving those children that don't want us in their lives and yet all the love we have to give them, nothing changes, but we're willing to wait and keep choosing love. There is something else we can do. We can get more involved in helping others, others that will accept our help. We can get more involved in loving others, those that need to be loved by someone. You find a way to help others who are struggling that want your help, and this is one of the biggest cures for us to solve our own unhappiness. The key to easing your pain. Is to lose yourself in the service to others. Lose yourself in doing good things, but do it every day. Stop fighting what's happening in your life. Quit ruminating about it. Quit having. Pity parties and it's okay to be sad for a while and to be disappointed and hang out with that negative feeling for a while. Give it a little attention, but try to be more concerned for the suffering of others. Focus more on others. On yourself have a perfect brightness of hope that in the end, everything will work out better than you could have imagined. And I think that is a promise that our Heavenly Father has given to us. If we will just keep moving forward doing good Christ-like things expect miracles by trusting in the Lord that he is more concerned about your children, he is more concerned about you. He is more concerned about your family even more than you are. I honestly believe that if we can lose ourself, We can focus on those that want our help. We'll still have sad days and we will still never give up wanting I. Things to change in our relationship with our Heavenly Father, but I do believe that we can move forward in our life and we will find happiness and joy and fulfillment in ways that we never dream possible. I wish the best for you. I wish for you a happy life. I look forward to talking to you next week. Share this episode with somebody who you feel may need a lift if you like this. This episode and you felt it was of benefit to you, I ask you to share it with somebody that perhaps it could also benefit, but if you're still feeling kind of stuck and that you don't know how to apply what was talked about or where to start. On, on changing your thoughts, on changing your perspective, on bettering your relationship. Get on a call with me and we can have a discussion and I can tell you how to apply it and where we start, and then you get to decide what you want to do. About this relationship that maybe you're struggling with with your adult children. There's no reason to go on the rest of our lives struggling with our relationships with our adult children. Let's assume the best. Let's assume that we all love each other and we're just trying to figure out. How to maintain our own boundaries and respect another one's, but I can help you with everything. So just go to bonnie lyman.com and book a call. I can't wait to hear from you. .