Coaching with LDS values

Episode 77 Are You Missing Out on Life Because of Adult Child Relationships Welcome to the podcast, loving On Purpose. I'm your host, Bonnie Lyman. If you're having trouble navigating through your relationships with your adult children, if you are struggling to connect with them or having specific challenges, you're in the right place. This is Bonnie Lyman and you are listening to my podcast, loving On Purpose. This is episode 77. Are you missing out on life because of adult children relationships? Welcome back everyone. Thank you for listening. I hope I'm giving you something that will get you thinking about having better relationships, not only with your adult children, but with everybody in your life. So today we're going to talk about. Missing out on life because your relationship with your adult children is not going like you thought it would. There is no brochure. Family. We all have a different bag of family of problems. And if you look at others and think they don't have any problems, you're wrong. They're maybe just not as visible. We do so much harm comparing ourselves to other families that have a different bag of problems than we have, and most of the time we wouldn't want to even trade. Those problems? Well, most of the time I believe our lives were orchestrated by God long ago because he knows exactly what we needed to learn when we came To Earth. He has a plan of how our lives were exactly supposed to go. The plan could have been to school our children in what they needed most and also what we as their parents needed to learn also. But not only did he want us to learn, but he wanted us to have fun and happiness. But none of this growth and joy comes without some intentional Intentionality on our part. Our brains want us to believe that we deserve to live a luxurious life with happiness and no trials, and as few as bumps in the road as possible, and with as little effort as necessary. Most of the goodness in our life comes from our desire to be the best version of ourselves in any circumstance. That doesn't necessarily mean that we make a lot of money, even though it could be. It doesn't mean you have to be the smartest kid on the block, but I believe we show up best. When we can learn to show up without judgment of others and love those that might even be difficult to love. I'm starting to hear the word revenge from many of my clients. Revenge that, uh, after all they did for their children, after all the sacrifice of their own desires in life, that they deserve more respect and attention from their adult children. I'm starting to hear things like, if they're not going to ask me over for dinner, then I'm not going to ask them over. If they don't give me a birthday present, I am not going to give them one either since they have come out as gay or want a sex change. They are not allowed at family gatherings. We never know what anyone else is thinking. We never know what is choice or what is nature. My gay son, when he came out in the nineties, he told us his other gay friends were jealous of him because he was so supportive. Supported by his parents. Many of his friends were asked not to come back home until they had figured out a way to change the sexuality. Supporting your child does not mean that you are condoning their behavior. We felt he needed our support in the form of love, like he had never needed it before. We can. Support him. But where the confusion also comes is many parents feel that when they support and love their children that are engaged in behaviors, they don't approve of they, it means it's condoning the behavior and that is not the course. I like to think of my son not as, A gay person, but as a person dealing with homosexuality, it doesn't make up all of him, but only his sexuality. I can disapprove of some of his behavior and still love him for the great and wonderful things that he does Do. They love to hang out with their kind. Because they feel accepted and loved. We could all be happier for loving the marginalized when we are being selfish for putting our own desires of the needs of another. Most of the time we don't even know what the needs of our children are, so we focus on the thoughts. That causes despair because of our desires not being met. It's our choice, though. We can feel entitlement that our children owe us something. Or we can feel compassion that they are feeling victims to an unsettled world where they feel they don't fit in or are struggling to exercise their autonomy. And I talk about that quite a bit in my previous podcast, the Master of Lies. Satan wants nothing more to destroy families, but all parties focusing on their needs first before thinking of the others petty offenses, like not answering texts right away. To making a suggestion of a career to pursue is taken as an offense instead of a text getting pushed down under the last 15 received, or a parent merely giving an opinion to only be considered. We all take things too personally. This is the tale, tale tale of how each individual is not thinking well of themselves when we recognize the value we were born with. We can also start. To develop our self-worth by enhancing our amazingness and recognizing that we still have weaknesses that need to be improved on, it's then we become confident. And not take everything so personally. Not that we are better parent or child, but we are equal because we are both humble, which means we are equally amazing and flawed, making us perfectly human. I suggest you start by trying to understand your child. You may not be understood by him or her, but you can be the one who tries to understand just so we. Just as we know the pain of not being understood by them doesn't mean we take revenge and don't try to understand them. Rather let this pain teaches the value of understanding them rather than judging them. We can use the energy of feeling hurt. To see our children and to listen to them as the valuable humans. They really are. Focus on the parts you like about them. Allow them to figure out how to be the best version of themselves while same simultaneously, you work on becoming a better you. This is when love thrives, when everyone stays out of judgment and more involved in loving, showing compassion and understanding. In the words of Byron Katie, if you thought like they thought, what would you be doing? I. As the parent, you take the lead and show them what a person does. That unconditionally loves everyone. You can't control someone else's behavior, but you can influence them by showing the rewards of living a Christ-like life, one of love and understanding. Love always wins just every time. Intentionally love your adult children every day as if it might be yours or their last day. On Earth love feels so much better than judgment. I wish you all. The best week ever. I best, I wish you all that you use, all your might and strength to choose love for your adult children and tell them as often as possible how great and wonderful they are. I can't wait to talk to you next week. If you like this, be this episode and you felt it was of benefit to you, I ask you to share it with somebody that perhaps it could also benefit. But if you're still feeling kind of stuck in that you don't know how to apply what was talked about or where to start, On, on changing your thoughts, on changing your perspective, on bettering your relationship. Get on a call with me and we can have a discussion and I can tell you how to apply it and where we start, and then you get to decide. What you want to do about this relationship that maybe you're struggling with with your adult children. There is no reason to go on the rest of our lives struggling with our relationships with our adult children. Let's assume the best. Let's assume that we all love each other and we're just trying to figure out. How to maintain our own boundaries and respect another ones, but I can help you with everything. So just go to bonnie lyman.com and book a call. I can't wait to hear from you. .