LOVE THOSE YOU LOVE AS IF IT'S THEIR LAST DAY ON EARTH
Some years ago, I had just gotten off the phone with my daughter and I was very sad and disappointed. She had told me that she was putting her 6 month old twins in daycare, along with her 3 year old daughter.
"You're entrusting people that you don't know to care for and "raise" your children???"
"You are willing to expose them to other children that might have some wierd infectious disease?"
"Do you know that you are losing out on bonding with your children at a very crucial age?"
"Did I not offer enough love and support to you as a stay-at-home mom to set a good example?"
It's these thoughts that were causing me to feel upset, not the circumstance that my granddaughters were being placed in daycare. Right then, I was not feeling unconditional love or compassion for my daughter. I was feeling judgmental and disappointed because of my thoughts.
But I was so judgmental and sad and worked up that I didn't know how to think different thoughts. Before I could change those thoughts, I just had to feel the disappointment for a bit. I didn't fuel it with more negative thoughts, either about my daughter or myself, but just allowed myself to feel sad for awhile.
I took a few deep breaths and just let disappointment "sit" with me. I reminded myself that the worst thing that could happen is that I would feel a negative emotion.
My brain right then wanted to give me more negative thoughts about how/why my daughter's decision was wrong. But the fact of the matter was....nothing had gone wrong.
Our brain wants to project into the future all the things that could go wrong, because that's the assignment we give our brain when we have negative futuristic thoughts.
But the future is unknown. Period! So then when we have futuristic negative thoughts, we not only feel disappointment, but also overwhelm, fear, anxiety, etc because our brain is trying to fix a problem that doesn't exists.
We need to redirect our brain to think different thoughts; thoughts that will cause us to feel hope, peace, and love again.
This isn't always an easy thing to do, this exercise of creating new thoughts. Many people get "stuck" here because they would rather feel the discomfort of feeling the negative feeling of disappointment for example, than feel the feeling of discomfort of trying to create new thoughts.
Here are a few strategies to give you the power to choose new thoughts:
1. Become aware of the thoughts you're having about the circumstance--write them down
2. Believe that it's your thoughts about the circumstance that is causing you to feel angry9a negative emotion), not your someone's behavior.
3. Believe that the future is unknown and that you do not have the power to predict it.
4. Believe that you may not be right.
5. Focus on the benefits of someone's decisions
6. Write down as many positive thoughts about the circumstance you can think of, and then choose which ones you want to believe. Rehearse those until your disappointment (an example) is replaced with love and compassion.
7. "Be Love" and not self righteous; be compassionate; act like the person you want to be.
Here were my new thoughts:
My daughter puts her kids in daycare and that's ok;
My daughter loves her children and always is doing what's best for them;
It is necessary that both my daughter and husband work;
My daughter is not reckless, selfish, or casual in her parenting;
No where have I read or heard from our Church leaders that children should not be put in daycare;
My daughter is close enough to the spirit to receive personal revelation regarding her family affairs.
My new thoughts caused me to feel supportive, accepting, nonjudgemental, but best of all love. I always like feeling love
It's true ....... LOVE ALWAYS WINS