Yaquinta Lighthouse - 9/9/20 Yaquinta Lighthouse - 9/8/20
Our good friends, the Petersens, who we served with us in Kenya on our mission, came to visit us this past week.
We were suppose to be on a cruise this week, together, to Rome to go to the new Temple.
The cruised was cancelled due to COVID.
We planed a little 3 day trip to the Oregon Coast.
We had anticipated a few fun filled activities; flying kites, buying Salt Water Taffy, wading in the ocean, eating clam chowder, visiting the Yaquinta Lighthouse.
After an 8 hour drive, we arrived at Newport Beach, OR.
The sky was thick with brown smoke and ash was following from the sky; destructive wildfires had broken out in nearby towns.
We were gladly wearing our masks but for a different reason.
No words were even exchanged between us; we had come for a little get away and have a good time with each other; so we did!
We went to the beach; we walked to the Lighthouse and were even able to see it once we were 4 feet in front of it; we bought the most delicious Salt Water Taffy; we bought a Sasquatch T-shirt; we ate some clam chowder, there was not enough wind to fly kites.
We talked and laughed til we cried; we remembered lots of good times we had together in Kenya.
We focused on the good things about our trip and not that we couldn't see 4 feet in front of us or that we couldn't fly kites or even that our expectations needed some revamping.
Would we go on the same trip with the same circumstances again? You bet!
Everything we enjoy in life is a result of what we focus on. If we focus on what should or could have been, we will miss out of the what was.
Our brain is only helping us to do what we tell it to do. "All right brain, how are you going to help me make this fun?" And guess what? Your brain goes to work to show you how to make it fun.
If we focus on looking for the good in people, we will certainly find it,
If we apply this to our relationships with our adult children, if we focus on what's going wrong, your brain will keep finding new evidence to prove us right.
But if we would only focused on what our children are doing right, our brain will help us find more and more behaviors that we approve of.
Which focus causes you to feel compassion and love and peace? And which focus causes you to feel pain?
One of my clients was suffering when her son got married and he didn't call as often anymore. When she started getting curious about why he wasn't calling her as often, and started admiring what an attentive husband he was to his wife, she felt less pain.
Not that she didn't miss hearing from him more often, but when she started focusing more on his needs and less on her desires, she felt peace. Because she was feeling peace she was able to show up as the mother she wanted to be to her son.
I challenge you to write down 15 strengths you notice about each of your adult children. Then notice how you feel about them. Then notice how how your connection shifts to being more positive with them, (even if it's gradually at first), without them making any changes in their behavior at all.
I've said before and I'll say it again
LOVE ALWAYS WINS...
LOVE IS ALWAYS AN OPTION....