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TO MOTHERS THAT CAN'T STOP HURTING

Texans have never before experienced the severe storm that has plagued their state this las week; freezing temperatures, snow, water pipes breaking, power plants breaking down causing loss of heat and light. 

They are suffering.  They never in a million years thought this kind of storm would come to Texas.

It’s interesting to see the differences in how people are dealing this disaster.

Those that are not resisting the inconvenience but are embracing the situation are finding ways to improve their present circumstance.  They are using their energy to figure out solutions.  They have accepted, yes, this is terrible, maybe wine about for a few minutes, but then they start figuring out how to make their circumstances better

When there is not resistance to the situation, but acceptance, then we move more quickly to remedy the problem.

On the other hand, we resist the disaster, we don’t have the mental help of solving the problem as quickly as possible.  We stay in a “stuck” mode and choose to wine and blame far longer than necessary.

RESISTANCE might look like this:

“It’s freezing….the power company should have been better prepared to handle this kind of weather….this is so hard….I bet it’s weeks before we get some help.  This shouldn’t be happening….it’s the governor’s fault, he knew the storm was coming.”

ACCEPTANCE might look like this:

“Oh wow! It’s freezing in the house….the water pipes are broken….there’s no electricity….no heat….no water….we don’t even own coats….looks like we better come up with an alternative heat source….let’s get the car out of the garage and warm up in it and come up with what we think we should do next.”

People that are able to accept the inconvenience are going to move quickly toward a resolution than people that are resisting the inconvenience.

When we resist our negative those feelings that are painful; when we don’t want to just sit and be a little miserable for a while, we often try to push the feeling out of us by finding something that distracts us or gives us a dopamine hit.

For me it’s eating donuts.  For others it might be alcohol or drugs or pornography.  For some it might be running.  While running is a healthier alternative to the previous mentioned, it’s still resisting the feeling we don’t want to feel.

It’s the opposite of what you might think.  When we resist feeling a negative emotion it intensifies, just like when you hold one of those cheap beach balls underwater.  The further you push it down, the higher it pops back up.  It’s the resistance (against gravity) you’re creating that’s causing it pop up higher.

So when we resist feeling something we don’t want to feel, we are actually keeping it inside of us until one day it “explodes”; it feels worse than we first felt it.

When we are resisting feeling sad, or whatever, we evidentially are not able to live the life we want to live because the feeling is intensified.

When our son told us he was gay, I was very sad.

This was not a time to try to find a positive perspective to what was happening.  I just needed to be sad for a while.

Today, I have accepted it, know it’s only just one part of many parts that makes my son who he is.  

I sometimes feel sad but it’s fleeting.  I don’t think about it every day.  That’s not what I think about when I’m with him.

I have so many happy thoughts seeing him so happy.

The more we can accept the things that possibly will never change, the more we can allow ourselves to feel negative feelings, not trying to distract ourselves from them but just “dancing” with them for a bit, not only are we happier but we show up as the mother we want to be.

I can help you learn how to feel those negative feelings in way that de-intensifies them so that you can get on with choosing to love your adult children in ways you never dreamed possible.

Click the “book a call” button and let’s get started.  I offer free 60-minute consults.

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