My husband is always asking our grandchildren how they feel about the future. Their answer is usually the same. “I don’t know.”
They’re too entrenched in thinking about how their hair looks or if they are liked or what someone is thinking about them. They didn’t know they are supposed to be having feelings about the future.
But as we grow older, our brain wants to worry about a lot of things, because it wants to protect us from danger. It tries to predict future outcomes of circumstances happening right now.
Nothing is absolute in life; but we tend to predict undesirable future outcomes, which causes us to worry, which still doesn't affect the outcome.
When the human species was living a more primitive lifestyle, worrying about the future was helpful to us……”where am I going to find food?..... where am I going to sleep where the bears won’t attack me?...... where am going to find warm clothing?” Worrying was a way our brain protected us.
At this period of time, it served us to worry about the future.
There’s a difference between planning for the future and worrying about uncertain predictions about the future.
We plan for our retirement, for vacations, for our children’s education to give us a sense of security for the future when those events happen.
The definition of the future is: the time yet to come; undetermined events that occur in that time; the condition of a person or thing at a later date.
Our brains want to tell us that the future is predictable. That if we do A, B will happen.
If I save this amount of money every year, I will have enough money to be independent in my retirement. With that thought I will feel peace, even though the thought might not be true. But I will act out of security and peace.
If I chose to start worrying about the possibility of having to file for bankruptcy, or an emergency in my family that could cause me to use my savings, or if I lived longer than I had planned, I’m going to feel worried and fearful; I will act out of fear.
Worrying about the future doesn’t serve you; it doesn’t fix anything; it doesn’t help you move forward in getting “unstuck” in your situation. Worrying robs you of feeling peace. When you’re not operating from a place of peace, you aren’t effective in helping anyone or anything.
I know of a couple whose son told them he’s gay, they caught their unmarried, 17 year old daughter using a pregnancy test, and another adult child was arrested for selling drugs, all in one month.
Mom went to bed for three days and cried; Dad went to work to escape feeling what he didn’t want to feel.
It’s different than how this couple thought their children’s lives were going to look like but these events were meant to happen.
“How do we know it was meant to happen? It did.”…….Byron Katie
The more you say it, the stronger you’ll believe it. When you believe it, then, you will feel peace.
If these parents can believe that this was part of their children’s journey, they don’t need to worry about something in these children’s future that hasn’t happened yet.
When you worry about the future of your children, when their behavior indicates that are headed in the wrong direction, you are worrying about problems that don’t even exist. When you try to give a problem to your brain that isn’t a problem yet, it can’t help you. It has nothing to solve.
When you don’t learn to control what you’re thinking, you search for as much evidence as possible as to why nothing good can come from these circumstances; the result is, you just keep spiraling in worry and fear and uncertainty. The very feelings you think were caused by your children’s behavior, are really caused by your thoughts about what has gone wrong and your questions about the outcome of their futures.
Then you are stuck in worry and then despair and then possibly blaming yourself. This happens because your hopeless thoughts have become beliefs to you. But none of your thoughts could be true.
When you are in such pain caused by your thoughts regarding your children’s behaviors, you aren’t the loving mother you want to be.
The turn around happens when you can latch on to empowering thoughts. Thoughts that give you hope and love and understanding and curiosity.
You can equal airtime to the thought, "Everything is going to work out."
My hope is that you can practice thinking some of these empowering thoughts; thought often enough, they can become beliefs and peace can come.
If you can get to peace, you will evidentially get to love. Love is a choice; it’s not dependent on anyone’s behavior.
Love always wins because it’s the feeling you want to feel more than any other feeling. It causes you to have the power to love difficult people and forgive those that don’t deserve to be forgiven.
Love is always an option.
If you want to learn how to choose love, I can teach you how. I use an amazing tool called the Model. created by a Master Coach, Brooke Castillo. It’s a unique formula that can be used to solve any problem. I would be honored to start you on your journey to living a more fulfilling life.
For a free , 60 minute consult click the tab below.