TO MOTHERS WHOSE ADULT CHILDREN ARE MAKING POOR CHOICES

The Prodigal Son - Luke 15:11-32. We are all "prodigal sons". We all fall short of the glory of the Father. This is more of a story of a father's undying love for us son, as he patiently watched, waited, and loved his wayward son.

It's difficult to accept our children's behavior when it is contrary to our expectations. We hurt more than we have ever hurt in our entire lives, when they make choices that don’t align with our expectations. We hurt because we think their future is in great peril.

They often choose to question or even stop going to church; to date in unprovincial ways; to never study; to eat poorly; to start taking drugs, or drinking or smoking weed; to engage in sex; to suddenly announce they’re getting married to someone they’ve known 2 months; or they are not progressing toward becoming self-reliant.  Or often their behavior in general is unbecoming for an adult.

We try to find reason as to why they are making poor choices.  We may ask…

  • What did we do wrong as parents?
  • Were we to inconsistent in studying the scriptures?
  • Were we too strict or not strict enough in setting behavioral boundaries?
  • Did we not teach and guide them in love and righteousness?

“Your child’s bad choices may be breaking your heart, but they don’t have  to break you”. [JIM BURNS]. They are just exercising the features of God’s Great Plan of Happiness, exactly as He constructed it.

Jesus Christ came forward and offered to ransom His life for the mistakes of all mankind because He wanted us to:

  • Be given agency to choose whether or not we wanted to make good choices.
  • To fail some of the time because we grow the most from our failures.
  • To be able to redeem ourselves and return to our Heavenly Father.

Satan’s plan guaranteed that none would be lost and we would never make any mistakes.  It would be a robot style of living.  The result would be, we would return to God but as under developed, unfulfilled beings because we never failed, so we never grew; because we never had opposition, we never had joy. 

Wanting and trying to manipulate our adult children is actually a form of rebelling against God’s Great Plan of Happiness.

We think their life has gone wrong…

  • They are jeopardizing their chances of returning to their Heavenly Father.
  • They won’t have the spirit to help them.
  • They won’t be happy.
  • They’re wasting away their life.
  • They are missing out on blessings.

Is this true?  Is this absolutely true?  Nothing is absolute about the future. 

If the sole purpose of God’s plan is to make us happy, why do we want to interfere with changing the plan for our children? They will be missing out on their specialized journey for growth and happiness.

If we are balking that are adult children are not living according to OUR expectations, does that mean maybe we are not living according to the Savior’s and God’s expectations of us?  Doesn’t he expect us to allow them to exercise their free agency?  (The spirit will guide us when we need to intervene, especially when they are inflicting physical harm to themselves and others.)

Five things we can do to be able to accept our children for who they are, right now:

  • Be curious as to why they are acting the way they are,; not judgmental.
  • Focus on their strengths and what they are doing right; your perceived weaknesses of them do not make up their whole identity.
  • Work on fixing you, not them.  Is it a good choice you’re making to be judging them? 
  • Just keep “loving on them”.  The only thing they need right now is to know you love them. 
  • Focus on their needs; not your desires.

Our adult children are just like us; we all have the need to love and be loved.

Our super power to influence our children is love…just love them.  If you’re feeling fear and disappointment, you’re not feeling love.  LOVE is the most amazingly warm and peaceful and wonderful emotion of any other feeling available to us.  

Love is always an option; it’s never dependent on someone else’s behavior.

Remember?  Love always wins

I can help you choose love, despite the actions of your children.  I use a unique tool that will blow your mind. It will show you how to choose love by doing just one thing. Click below for a free 50 minute mini session.  I’ll be checking my inbox for your email.  I am so excited to have the opportunity to help you.

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